


you were okay as a girlfriend (i was just more like real life)

by orphan_account



Series: (unrelated) songfics [5]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abuse, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Smut, M/M, Mention of scars, Sleepy Cuddles, Sneaking Out, bc he loves josh and he wants to keep him safe, tyler realises jenna isnt the girl for him, tyler takes care of josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 08:59:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10331102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: songfic for Father by The Front Bottoms.Can I sleep in your bed?And when I crawl out in the morning,Can I stay inside your head?'Cause you were high schoolAnd I was just more like real lifeAnd you were okay, okay as a girlfriendBut I was just more like his wife





	

One arm draped around slim dainty shoulders, while his free hand gently wrapped around Josh’s chin. He pushed his head slowly to the side so that the big bruising swell around his cheek caught the light in a way that caused the scabbed cut to stand out a streak of red in the sea of purple. 

“I’ll kill him.” Tyler’s jaw set tight, his eyes flickering with a look that made Josh want to comfort him, to make him see that it was okay he was used to it. He tried to voice this but Tyler’s arm seemed to grip around Jenna tighter. “Don’t do that, don’t defend him.” Tyler’s voice didn’t sound harsh, it sounded broken and Josh couldn’t stop himself from surging forward, wrapping his own arm around Tyler’s neck burying his head into the crook of his neck, trying not to shoulder Jenna in the face. It didn’t matter because she was pushed away as Tyler removed his arm so he could embrace Josh properly. “I’ll kill him.” Tyler said again, stroking the soft curls at the nape of Josh’s neck. “He won’t hurt you again, I won’t let him.” Tyler’s words were muffled into Josh’s t-shirt and Josh felt more sobs escape him. 

Eventually Josh pulled away, let Tyler gingerly brush the tears away, trying not to press on the big ugly bruise. “You can’t kill my dad, Ty.” Josh said somewhat regretfully. 

“Josh-”

“You can’t” he was visibly shaking. “Because I need you, and if you go to jail what will I do?” He tried to joke, to force his cheeks to lift even though the dull thud of pain suggested it was not a good idea, tried to laugh the situation away. Tyler only wrapped an arm around his shoulder, attempting a sad smile. 

“Okay, I guess I can’t go to prison.” He said as the late bell rang in the distance. Jenna instantly assumed her place on his other side, his arm slinking back around her shoulders as though an automated act of muscle memory, both boys staring at one another like she wasn’t even there, but she didn’t seem phased, this was routine. “Plus, there’s no privacy, and I’d have to wear those shower shoes.” He scrunched his nose and shuddered, as they walked towards the school building. Josh laughed then, genuine, hearty, it made Tyler’s own chest flutter and squeeze Josh closer on instinct. 

 

Tyler was woken by someone slipping into bed with him, he blinked as he turned around to see a familiar mess of curls, he heard a small sniffle and immediately wrapped his hands around their slim frame. They froze for a minute and so did Tyler, taking the pause to quickly glance over their shoulder at the clock, 3.08am. He glanced at the sleeping lump across the room and concluded his brother hadn’t been woken by the intruder. 

“Where does it hurt?” Tyler asked first, brushing curls off the other boy’s forehead. 

“My back.” They spoke through raw vocal chords and a thick snotty nose, Tyler shifted, arms loosely by their sides guiding them until they were lay on their front, half on top of him. 

“Josh? Did you close the window?” He whispered as he pulled the covers further around them, Josh tensed, whole body spasm as he tried to shift into a bearable position. Tyler felt a nod into his shoulder, another heavy sniff punctuating it. 

“’m’cold” Josh mumbled, trying to muffle his whimpers as his shirt rubbed at his back. Tyler’s light fingertips played with the hem of his shirt for a second before tugging it upwards. 

“Come on, you need to get comfy.” Tyler whispered his face right next to Josh’s. Josh with a screwed up face pulled himself up so Tyler could remove his shirt, a firm hand on Josh’s bare chest told him to hold the position for a second, before Tyler was pulling off his own shirt, he held it to Josh’s nose and instructed him to use it like a tissue, which after a worried glance in Tyler’s direction he did. “There, doesn’t that feel better?” Tyler soothed as Josh lay back down, their bare chests touching, Josh shivered for an entirely different reason. “It’s okay you’re safe now, I got you.” Tyler whispered, one hand stroking Josh’s side as the other twirled a baby curl at the nape of his neck. He kissed Josh’s shoulder quickly watching as Josh’s eyes fluttered shut. 

Tyler only fell asleep when he felt soft even breaths ghosting across his chin, watching Josh sleep peacefully. His heart ached at the sight of his broken best friend. He couldn’t help the way everything just felt right with him, he could never be this close with anyone, sometimes not even Jenna and sometimes it terrified him more than he wanted to admit. But Tyler kept it together, because Josh needed him to be strong, to look after him and Tyler knew he needed it too. 

The next morning no one was surprised to find Josh in Tyler’s bed, it happened too often. Tyler’s mother understood the situation and had tried to help before but it had only made things worse, Josh ended up with stitches and a scar that ran from his elbow to his wrist on his right arm. Tyler had tried to make it better by telling him that it made him look hard, but he could always get the sleeve tattoo he’d always wanted to cover it and Josh had smiled, his head in Tyler’s lap, squeezing Tyler’s thigh in silent thanks. 

Maddy walked in on Tyler cleaning up Josh’s back in the bathroom, both boys still shirtless. She gasped and flushed bright red, muttering an apology before turning to leave.

“No, wait can you help me with this?” He gestured to where he was trying to use tweezers to remove something in one of the cuts, his hands were too shaky. Maddy nodded and made her way over, instantly taking the tweezers and working on extracting the bits of dirt and gravel. Tyler shifted around to hold Josh’s hand’s he let Josh squeeze them hard as he winced. “You’re doing so good, you’re so strong okay?” Tyler continued to whisper reassurances, even as Maddy helped him disinfect his back and wrapped his torso in bandages. Tyler set the bandages in place and let his fingers linger on Josh a bit longer than necessary, placing a kiss to the back of Josh’s next, whispering more praise. 

“Thank you.” Josh said shakily, looking directly at Maddy. 

She smiled placing a light kiss to his cheek. “Anything for family.” 

The drive to school was quiet, and maybe Tyler held Josh’s hand to comfort him or maybe it was because he couldn’t help but miss the closeness they only shared in his bed. The feel of their skin pressing together grounding him and Josh; anchoring them both to the moment, to each other. 

Josh can’t help but feel bad when he tags along with Jenna and Tyler at lunch. Jenna pretends like it doesn’t bother her but Josh can see that sometimes she just wants Tyler to give her his full attention, but he won’t if Josh is there. Josh feels twice as guilty at the small swell of satisfied pride he gets when Tyler practically ignores Jenna to talk to him instead. 

“High school is almost over, how weird is that?” Jenna remarks, Tyler’s arm slung around her shoulders, predictable, a static picture. 

Tyler pushes out a long breath of air, leaning back in the plastic blue cafeteria chairs, it squeaks. “I don’t even want to go to college, it’s too far away from you.” Josh makes eye contact with Tyler and he knows he’s talking to him, but then Tyler seems to remember the petit blonde in his arms and he pulls her into his side, placing a messy kiss on her forehead. She smiles affectionately and Josh zones them out, they’re back in couple mode, all gooey eyes, oblivious to the world, Josh feels sick. 

But then Tyler is looking at him with concern, and he’s holding his wrist and telling him that he’s gonna take him to college, he doesn’t know how yet but if all else fails he’ll pack him in his suitcase and once he’s there they’ll have no choice but to let him stay. 

Josh smiles, can’t help the way his heart stops hammering dangerously, can’t help the smug grin his smile becomes when Jenna gives Tyler a pissed off glance before it’s slipping off her face and into her usual sweet smile. 

-

Tyler watches Josh from the bleachers, it's cold and raining and he can’t feel his fingers, his hoodie is soaked and he knows the rain has gone through the camo jacket he’s wearing. He feels bad because it’s Josh’s coat but Josh is the reason he’s out in the rain in the first place so Josh will have to accept the consequences. 

Josh joined the track team not long after Tyler joined the basketball team and Tyler watches every practice, keeps his eyes fixed on Josh as he runs some days he runs like something is chasing him, and others it’s like he’s finally been freed from his cage. Tyler knows, he always knows and he makes sure Josh doesn’t push himself too hard on the days he’s being chased. 

Tyler takes Josh home, sits in his room and watches as he keeps training, doing push ups and crunches and pull ups, he doesn’t stop and Tyler worries on bad days or joins him on good days, it depends how he’s feeling. 

Sopping wet he tries to distract Josh. His phone buzzes. 

“Jenna says hi.”

Josh stops mid sit up, eye brow raised. “Oh cool, say hi back.” He smiles.

“She’s getting her nails done.” He says and Josh finally stops working out. He starts asking about why girls paint their nails and whether guys can do it too, and does Tyler like it when Jenna paints her nails. Tyler finds it a bit weird but he answers truthfully and lets Josh continue because at least he isn’t pushing his body to exhaustion anymore. 

Josh shows up to Tyler’s house at 2am with a black eye and white nails. Tyler kisses his knuckles and holds his hand to his chest and tells Josh he’s beautiful. 

-

Tyler tries to keep Josh upbeat, Tyler drives him down empty streets at eleven at night, let’s him hang out the window. They climb to the roof of the Walmart, eat taco bell as stare out at the city below them. They sneak onto the school’s football field at four in the morning and scream at the top of their lungs, they scream until they feel nothing, feel everything at once. They swim in the neighbours pool while he’s on holiday, and they go to parties and get drunk and every adventure feels different, feels like living but one thing remains the same. They always fall asleep and wake up tangled together, sleepy smiles plastered on their faces.

Josh notices that Tyler is spending less and less time with Jenna. Tyler doesn’t pretend he doesn’t have an active sex life, he and Jenna sleep together a lot, but sometimes he feels like Jenna is just there for sex, because he finds as soon as its over he’s thinking about Josh, worried about him. He can’t stay and cuddle because he’ll overthink the fact that Josh is alone, at the home where his mother cries and his father drinks and his siblings hide in their rooms while Josh takes every punch or kick or slap, every verbal abuse and beyond for them, so they can stay kids. Tyler can’t breathe. 

Tyler calls him as he’s rushing out of Jenna’s house, not even registering the sad way she looks at him, the way she curls up on herself. He always apologises after, and she forgives him because she knows that Josh’s life sucks and that Tyler cares so much.

Josh comes to Tyler’s bed every night, usually with a new bruise or scar or cut. The routine repeats. 

“Where do you hurt?”  
“Did you close the window?” It’s always unlocked specifically for this reason.  
Check Zack is asleep.  
Whisper comforting phrases while stroking his hair.  
Sleep.  
Clean him up in the morning. 

Tyler worries about his siblings, but he knows that mornings are safe, they leave as soon as they wake up, eat breakfast that Ashley or Josh pay for with their jobs, do as many after school clubs as they can so they have an excuse to be out of the house. Each sibling has their own person to stay with, Josh has Tyler, Ashley has her boyfriend, Jordan has a group of friends he alternates between so none get suspicious. Abby is lucky, their mother can protect her on her own, she’s safe at home, he can’t touch her like he can with the other, he can’t hurt her, he doesn’t. 

Sometimes, more often than not, Josh cries, and Tyler kisses his shoulder or his forehead and makes plans for him, plans to take him to college with him. Josh thinks it’s a dream, doesn’t understand how serious Tyler is. He’s never leaving Josh alone. He’ll spend the rest of his life sharing a bed with Josh if he has to, just to prove how serious he is. 

-

Josh sways as the bottle spins again, he’s more drunk than he planned to be, and Tyler watches from beside him concerned, about to say he shouldn’t be playing when the bottle lands on him. They’re sat next to each other and someone is about to protest, but another one smacks them upside the head, smirking at the terrified expression on Tyler’s face. 

“Well?” Someone says and Tyler gulps looking up at them. 

“Kiss him dude.” Someone else slurs out and the whole circle starts to chuckle. 

Tyler turns to his best friend, about to say, ‘let’s leave’ to say ‘you’re drunk I need to take you home’ (home being his bed not to the place where he’s beaten by a stranger who makes him call him ‘dad’. But then Josh is closing the gap and before Tyler knows it they’re kissing sloppily, with far too much passion for two people who are supposed to be friends. 

Tyler’s hand threads through curls as everyone drunkenly eggs them to keep going. There’s nothing to them but the scraping of nails and clashing of teeth, chapped lips sticking and soft tongues melding and then Tyler pulls away because they’ve been kissing for far too long, but he really wants nothing more than to keep going. 

Jenna storms off, and reluctantly Tyler follows and Josh nods, eyes half lidded. Tyler doesn’t want to leave him but he knows he has to talk to Jenna. 

“What was that, Tyler?” She whines, sloshing her plastic cup onto his shirt. He holds her up by her elbows. 

“C’mon it was spin the bottle I had to.” Tyler jokes it off, pretends like he doesn’t feel like he’s betraying something precious and perfect, he was unworthy to experience. 

“I think we should break up.” Jenna says and Tyler just sighs because 

“yeah, maybe you’re right.” He resigns and Jenna cries and pushes off his attempts to comfort her. 

“You were always more in love with him.” She sobs and Tyler can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt to see he’s the cause of the state she’s in. “It’s like you’re an old married couple, I can’t believe I’d be so stupid.” She rubs snot over her nose and Tyler tries to apologise, but she shakes her head and runs off to find her friends, needing them to comfort her. 

Tyler immediately goes back to find Josh, finds him still playing spin the bottle, finds him kissing some other guy and Tyler feels his heart break. 

“Josh, can we leave?” He says low into Josh’s ear and Josh lets him pull him up as they walk the few blocks back to Tyler’s house. 

“Are you mad at me?” Josh asks, seeming more sober than a minute ago. 

“Never.” Tyler promises and let’s Josh hold his hand. 

When they’re in bed, Josh lay on top of him again Tyler can’t help the stray tears that slide down his cheeks as he tries desperately to burrow his face into Josh’s neck. 

“Hey hey, what’s wrong?” Josh pulls his face into his hands and wipes at his tears. 

“I can’t.” He struggles. 

“Tyler you can tell me anything, always.” Josh promises thumbs brushing damp rubbery cheeks, he kisses Tyler’s forehead. 

“I can’t ruin this, I can’t lose you.” He says while trying to take a breath, but more sobs escape him, he blames the alcohol but he knows this was long overdue. 

“Hey shh now, you’re never going to lose me Ty, _never_. You’re all I have.”

Tyler makes a strangled noise, squeezing Josh’s bicep. “Jenna broke up with me.”

Josh looks confused, brow furrowed, eye’s searching Tyler’s until he works it out. “B-because we kissed?”

Tyler nods slowly. Cuts Josh off before he can apologise. “I’m okay with it.”

Josh looks even more confused. “Then wh-” 

Tyler kisses him, because it’s all he’s thought about since they last did it, because it feels safe and Josh tastes like home. Josh kisses back fiercely, clinging to Tyler, pulling his face in as close as possible because they just aren’t close enough. 

“I love you.” They say it at the same time, kiss barely broken apart. Both stare wide eyed at one another, before giggling. Tyler leans over then, checks they didn’t wake Zack, before pulling Josh back down onto himself. 

“I love you.” He says again kissing all over Josh’s face and Josh feels giddy. 

“I loved you for so long I never thought-” Josh says, watery-eyed smiles mirrored on their faces and they kiss again until their lips are swollen and Tyler promises it’s making up for lost time, making up for how much of an idiot he was. Before falling asleep like every night before. 

They go to another party but this time Josh doesn’t drink as much. This time Tyler’s arm is on his waist or holding his hand. Glued to his side even more than normal. Josh doesn’t mind, smiling goofily up at him as he rests his cheek on Tyler’s shoulder as Tyler presses a sweet kiss to his hair. 

After another drink, they laugh and dance and sing the words to cheesy songs loudly, Josh far more off key than Tyler, whole faces flushed from alcohol, dancing with everyone else until they’re kissing and people cheer again but they don’t hear them. 

Josh drags Tyler into one of the unoccupied bedrooms and gets down on his knees and Tyler sees stars, finger’s twitching in Josh’s hair and hips stuttering. He tastes himself on Josh’s tongue and it’s so hot Tyler thinks he might combust, flipping them over so Josh is pressed into the door, he repays the favour and relishes the pretty sounds Josh makes. 

“I love you.” Tyler says wiping his mouth with his hand and Josh smiles resting his head on Tyler’s shoulder smiling at the smell of home, the feel of their heartbeats pushing erratically into each other’s chests. “I’m yours, and you’re mine.” Tyler says and Josh squeezes him closer.

They kiss until they’re dizzy repeating ‘I love you’s until they’re too tired to stand and then they stumble out of the room, lips swollen, hair messy, giddy smiles plastered on their faces. Everyone gives knowing looks but they don’t notice, eyes too fixed on one another, heading back to Tyler’s. 

If Tyler’s mother hears them taking a shower at four am she doesn’t say anything, and he knows she probably didn’t because he knows she’d have something to say about the low-failing-to-be-quiet moans that Josh couldn’t stop making. 

Josh wishes he always felt so loved, but only Tyler made him feel that way, and he’d do anything for Tyler, because no amount of loving him will ever be enough to repay him for years and years of making him feel special and safe and _home_. 

Josh doesn’t show up to school, Tyler knows something is wrong because Josh didn’t materialise in his bed at 3am and he ignores the resentful, tired look Jenna gives him as he enters homeroom searching desperately for the familiar head of curls that belongs to his boyfriend. 

If he wasn’t panicking so much, he’d probably smile at the fact that Josh is his boyfriend. But Josh isn’t in school and he feels like he’s dying. Without a word Tyler runs out of the classroom already phoning Josh, ignoring the angry shouts from his teacher. Josh doesn’t answer his first three calls and Tyler is distraught, fumbling to get his keys into his car ignition. He calls his mom and shakily puts the phone in the holder so he can speed out the car park towards Josh’s house. 

“Tyler?”

“Mom.” His voice breaks. 

“Honey, what is it? What’s happening?” Tyler tries to compose himself, to tell his mother what’s wrong. 

“Josh didn’t come over last night, and he’s not in school and he won’t answer my calls and what if- what if he’s hurt-” Tyler pulls the car over so he can break down and cry. 

“Breathe sweetie okay? Josh needs you to stay calm right now. Where are you?” Tyler takes a shaky breath and tells her his location, she tells him to drive to Josh’s house, wait for his father while she calls the police. “He’s leaving right now Tyler, he’ll be there the same time as you okay.” Tyler thanks every god he knows of that his father didn’t have to work today and his mother stays on the phone with him while he drives, staving off his panic attack. 

When he gets there, his father pulls up opposite him, across the street from Josh’s house. Together they go to the front door. Josh’s mom answers but she won’t let them in, Tyler’s dad firmly assures that he is here to help, and pushes his way in. Before Tyler even knows what’s happening Josh’s dad is pinned to the floor, Josh’s mom is crying and Tyler is running through the house until he finds Ashley holding a blood soaked towel to Josh’s head, there’s so much blood and Jordan is slumped in the corner, his hand bent the wrong way while Abby stays terrified and tucked into his side. They’re all crying, Tyler takes Josh into his arms and hands Ashley his phone makes her call an ambulance, promising they’re okay now. 

Josh strokes wet curls off Josh’s face, ignores the tears that fall onto his too pale skin. 

Josh’s dad is arrested, his mother and siblings are taken to hospital with him. 

One month later and Josh is in Tyler’s room, helping him pack for college, Jordan is playing basketball with Zack and Maddy in the yard, Josh’s mom is letting Kelly teach her how to cook some new dishes, Abby is playing with Jay and his action figures in the lounge and everything feels better than it’s ever felt. The window is wide open and a cool summer breeze slips into the room. 

“I love you.” Tyler says as he sits beside Josh, so glad he can hold him again, one hand wrapped around his chin checking over his face to see how his head is healing. Josh swats at him and he mumbles an embarrassed “sorry”.

“It’s okay, I guess that’s a habit we’re gonna have to break now.” Then Josh is crying because he’s free, he’s safe and so is his family. Tyler holds him and strokes his hair and decides that yes that’s a habit he’s never going to break. 

And maybe Tyler doesn’t go to college anymore, and maybe he moves in with Josh when he’s earning enough to cover rent. So the apartment has a temperamental shower, and the heating needs fixing before the snow starts to fall, but they fall asleep every night in each other’s arms and Tyler wonders why on earth he wasted two years dating Jenna in high school when he could’ve been more happy than he thinks any human on the planet has ever felt. 

“I love you.” Josh says, arms wrapped around Tyler, the big scar on his right arm replaced by a vibrant swirl of colour, bruises a distant memory, a genuine smile plastered across his sleepy face. Tyler tugs on the bird’s nest of curls on his head, their lips meeting briefly. 

“I love you more.”


End file.
